It Would Have Been ....

Hello dear followers out there in blog land,
sorry it's been so long since I last posted and thanks for remembering me Katie, and giving me a gentle nudge. Welcome also to my new follower, Primita Paola.

It's been a month I'd like to forget and I'm sure you will agree when you read my post. And a warning it's about a very distressing subject.

Last Friday it would have been my best friend Maree's birthday.

Me, Angela and Maree

A month ago she committed suicide.

It still feels so unreal. Like she's just away on holidays or something. And that she'll be ringing any day to catch up for a girls night out at our favourite chinese restaurant.

We met when I was around 6 or 7, I can't remember exactly it was that long ago. It was Christmas and my parents had hired an on-site caravan for a 2 week family holiday. Her parents had hired a site for their caravan in the same caravan park for the same time.

Maybe we met in the playground or building sancastles or maybe paddling at the beach, again I don't remember. I do remember that she was friends with my youngest sister that year, even though she was 2 years older than Natalie.

The next year we went back again and so did her family. That year my middle sister Angela and I were the ones that hung out with her (as much as 8 year olds hang out lol) and my little sister moved on to other friends her own age. That was the start of a friendship lasting over 30 tears (Oops typo but I'm crying as I type weird huh?) years. Our families kept going back every year and our friendship blossomed. We became penpals, although we only lived around 15kms apart. Our parents bought the caravan we stayed in each year and her parents put theirs on site permanently. We spent school holidays together as well as Christmases.

Sneaking over to the beach to smoke cigarettes when we were teenagers, and you and Angela squeezing into the backseat of my Celica, off to the pub to see the latest bands and flashing the fake IDs cos you were both underage.

When you were finally finished with school staying at our place after some fight with your parents and driving your little red car to work in the city near me.

Boyfriends, bridesmaids, weddings, kids, losing weight, gaining weight, good jobs, crappy jobs, in-laws, out-laws. There's a million more memories, and there could have been a trillion more.

So many questions .... mostly why????

Why couldn't she shake the black dog of depression after all these years?

Why did she feel that she couldn't talk about it or get help from any one of us that were close to her?

What could have made her so desperate that she thought that suicide would solve it all?

Why didn't she just call and vent instead?

Was it a spur of the moment thing or not?

So many lives devastated ... husband, son, step-children, parents, brothers, sister, friends, work colleagues, the list is endless.

So many of us trying to understand.

Don't think I ever will.

Love you Ree xxxxxxxx
4 Responses
  1. Wow - how incredibly sad. I'm really sorry you have lost this special and beautiful friend. Sometimes we never really know why people choose to leave us. I hope you find comfort that you shared lots of good times with her.

  2. Wanderlust Says:

    Karen, I'm so, so sorry you lost your friend. How utterly devastating. I don't know a lot about suicide but I do know that when someone is significantly depressed it is very difficult for them to reach out. It's part of the illness. They just want to hide away from everyone and they begin to believe the world will be better off without them. I hope you and the others who loved her, especially her son, are able to find some peace. Just so sad. xo

  3. Katie Says:

    Oh Karen. I read this post yesterday and didn't leave a comment because I wanted to think of something amazing and enlightening to ease your pain.
    I realized there is nothing I can say that will do that.
    I will say that I am very, very sorry for the loss of your friend.
    Wishing you some peace.

  4. Such a sad post, you're right it doesn't make any sense.


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